I wannas sexs uuuuu
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
