Soap is not a condiment
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
