Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im holly from the hills drunk
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
