Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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