I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
