Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
