I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
