she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
