Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
