if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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