we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
