If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
