I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
They took my balls.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
