If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
