He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
