he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
