Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
