My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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