Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
