nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
