I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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