I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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