The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
