yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
