Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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