hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
