ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
