so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
