Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
