You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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