I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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