guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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