come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
