Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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