I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
