Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
