There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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