All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
