My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
