i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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