Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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