that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
