there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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