She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Come see our sink grown plant.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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