You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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