...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
