party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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