I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
