We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
