why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
