Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
