i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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