Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
