She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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