and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
