I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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