He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
