I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
