I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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