summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
