yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
