i just had sex bonerless
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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