Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drake has all the answers
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
