i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
