just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
