I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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