there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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