I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
