Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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